I make myself sick. Really. I cannot control myself and food. What did I have today? I had half a waffle with too much butter, eggs benedict, vegetables, two sushi bites, ginger, some mashed potatoes and stuffing, chicken, vegetable mousakka, two carrot cookie sandwhiches, a peanut butter chocolate bar and a gazillion animal crackers. I can tell I have gained weight, so why do I eat all these things? I disgust myself. Fat. I have a lot of it. And I can't manage my life enough to be pleasant to my boyfriend on our anniversary. I suck. I try and just fail. I can't even stay straight with God. Whyyyyyyyy? CONTROL. I want it back.